Three Ways You WILL Lose in Life.
Losing is an inevitable and beautiful part of life. Losing is inevitable because as long as we are alive we will lose in some aspect of life, no matter how hard we grind or how successful we become. Losing is beautiful because it is through losing when we learn about ourselves the most and given the opportunity to grow.
In this post, we will go a little bit deeper than what I’ll cover in my YouTube videos. Along with a recap of what each type of loss is, this post will also dive into how to handle each loss and how to use the loss to win. In short, how to adapt and overcome.
As always for an even deeper, raw, and unfiltered analysis of what we cover in the videos and in this post, check out the podcast and listen on the go!
Loss #1 — When you give your all but you still lose.
It was a Friday night. I couldn’t feel the cold but it must’ve been cold enough to see our breath and the heat coming off of our bodies. The field lights were bright. I’m sure the crowd was loud but I couldn’t hear them. The fourth quarter and the fourth down. 35 to 25. We were down 10 points on the home field of the team we beat 27 to 0 two weeks ago. We were a few yards short of a first down, and 20 or so yards from the end zone. I knew I was getting the ball before our coach even signaled us the play. As we lined up, I already envisioned myself in the endzone. I looked at the running clock, if everything ran seamlessly, there was enough time to score, get a 2pt conversion, onside kick and then get in field goal position. At this point in the game, I had about 240 yards on 22 carries with 2 touchdowns. My body wanted to be tired, however, my mind wouldn’t allow it. I remember repeating to myself, “Give me all you got, just one more time. One more touchdown for glory”. We lined up. *Set. Hut!*…
It was not simply the loss that upset me, it was giving my all and that not being enough to win. Despite the hurt that accompanies this kind of experience, I never would shy away from it. However, this is a common obstacle many of us fail to overcome because we are afraid of experiencing a moment like this.
Its okay for us to fear failure. Failure is a very powerful motivator, however, while fear motivates a few it can paralyze many. It would be ridiculous to tell ourselves to not be afraid. It takes years for us to truly master our emotions, however, the learning curve is much easier to truly master our actions. Be afraid but act.
I handle the aforementioned experience by absorbing and soaking in everything around me:
As soon as our center hiked the ball three powder blue jerseys had begun to push past our offensive line. I already knew I had two options as soon as I would get the ball: 1) Bounce outside or 2) Immediately cut up and inside. As the ball was being handed off I saw the latter option would not work. Four powder blue jerseys. Ball in my hand. Immediately shifted my weight to my right foot and the ball into my left hand. Five powder blue jerseys. Stiff-armed one. Four. Pushed back a yard. Shifted my weight to my left foot to jump cut. Back at the line. Three, to the right of me. I’ll beat them around the corner. I don’t have eyes in the back of my head though. I feel someone’s arms begin to wrap around my waist. I drive hard and high knee. No longer on me but I’ve slowed down. Three grew to four and they’re too close to beat now. They group tackle me. I’m not hurt. The sky was pitch black but it was bright outside from the lights. I can’t hear my teammates/coach calling me to get up. I continued to stare at the blackness in the sky. I felt empty but at peace for this brief moment. What was 10 to 15 seconds felt like minutes. I told myself that I gave my all and teared up. My pops (who helped coach) and my other coach came out on the field to make sure I was okay. My pops and coach said don’t cry you did great, but I didn’t give a s**t how well I did, I wanted to win… Final Score: 35 to 25.
It helps to have fans and teammates saying I did great but it didn’t really mean much to me, to be honest. However, I graciously accepted the compliments. When I go back to the hotel that night I replayed and acted out that last drive over and over and over. I practiced moves and cuts that I should/could have done over and over and over. Then, I went to bed feeling bad about myself and woke up saying f**k it, I need to get stronger, faster, and learn how to read holes and defenders even better. That’s what I did and never felt bad about that game ever again.
I handled this loss by allowing my self to experience everything that accompanied it and not fighting it. By doing this we allow ourselves to truly become self-aware, to allow our mind to go through its natural problem-solving and imagination. I was able to turn this into a win because it built resiliency and most importantly humbling me to see where I needed to improve.
This is one way of how we can handle these types of losses.
Loss #2 — When you half-a** and lose.
The following is a funny version of the letter I actually received from my undergraduate:
Dear Mr. Wright,
Good Morning. You may be having a good day today, however, we can’t let that last all day. Sooo….this is awkward, not for us but more for you. We have given you a whole two semesters to get your s**t together and you didn’t. Now, we enjoy receiving tuition money, however, we have a reputation to uphold and we can’t let bums attend our University.
However, we like you and your money. In this case, maybe you a little bit more than your money. Maybe. So, we’re only going to suspend your a** for one term. We hope to see you back on our campus.
Roll Tide,
The University of Alabama
1.58…that was my GPA at the end of my freshman year at The University of Alabama. I allowed close family deaths, close family members being diagnosed with terminal illness, some athletic goals not coming into fruition,(the list goes on and on) to put me in a state of moratorium and stagnation. We must always remember that “the only constant is change” and if we’re not getting better we’re getting worse. Of course, we have people close to us who would say: “Oh wow, going through all that we understand”, “Don’t worry most people would have dropped out by now, at least you’re still here”, “It’s not your fault, things will turn around”, etc. People tell us these things to help make us feel better, however, this form of relief does more harm to us than good. Immediately after receiving this news, I went down to the dining hall to grab something to eat but most importantly to see a close friend of mine who worked there, Mr. Greg Jackson. I wasn’t going to talk to him about what was going on but for some reason, I just wanted to see his face and hear his voice. Mr. Greg has helped and been there on many occasions, helping in ways he probably shouldn’t and definitely didn’t have to do. He was like an uncle to me. After leaving the dining hall, I sat down on the steps outside and called my pops, someone who I’ve always sought advice from and has always had my back.
Unfiltered rawness is what we need if we want to live life to the fullest. My pops brings this and then some to the fullest. To sum up our conversation: You’ve been half-a**ing and I’m disappointed in you. However, I believe in you. We’ll see if you’re all talk or not, show me what I know you have inside of you.
I handled this loss by accepting responsibility, stop blaming my circumstance and making excuses, and reached out to someone who wouldn’t sugarcoat s**t. I was able to turn this into a win by increasing my self-awareness, building resiliency and once we realize that accepting responsibility for everything that happens in our, we become powerful.
When we take these steps then we are able to truly analyze our situation in order to adapt and overcome these types of losses.
Loss #3 — When GOD/the Universe/Whatever You Believe In, hands you a loss.
These can occur in many different ways. For example:
- I’m upstairs in my apartment with my lady and suddenly have the urge to move my car inside the parking garage on an empty floor (the top), only to come downstairs and see another car hit the side of my car.
- Or, to get a small injury that turns into a nagging injury that takes longer than expected to rehabilitate.
- Or, even driving home late at night from a good date and receiving a call that your Aunt, who you are extremely close with, passed away from cancer, back in September 2014. (That got dark quick huh.) *Update* I loss another Aunt that I was also extremely close with, suddenly and unexpectedly in October 2019.
These are the type of losses that are not in our influence nor control. These type of losses, just happen. Even though we have no control over these situations, they are just as important.
I believe these versions of losses are tests to our resiliency, grit, and character. This kind of loss is important because it directly addresses our fear of not being in control. However, we gain more control by relinquishing such fear.
This is how I handled each one of the aforementioned losses. I relinquished control in order to gain control. I could not alter the fact that my beloved car was hit, however, I could control how I reacted and properly resolve the issue. I could not alter the fact that I had a nagging injury, however, I could control how I would rehabilitate the injury. I could not alter the fact that my Aunt passed away, however, I could control how I could grieve in a healthy manner.
We must let go in order to handle these type of losses.
We now know a little bit more about the three different types of losses. What you do with the information is up to you. I’m not a guru but I’ve made a million more mistakes than the average bear in my short lifetime, so I’ve learned some things along the way. If you want even more insight on these type of losses, go listen to my podcast on Anchor called: BSL Universe. If you’re a visual learner, go check out and subscribe to my YouTube Channel: Be Someone Legendary. Also, to stay up to date and get content before everyone else, go follow me on Instagram and Twitter: @besomeonelegendary/@bsome1legendary
Until next time, Be Someone Legendary because Legacy is Forever.
